GARDEN ROUTE | KAROO NEWS - She was a one-year-old baby and her sister a mere toddler when her mom packed the car and moved from Johannesburg to George. 

"We moved in with my grandparents," said Brooke May, who teaches English and life orientation at York High School.

By sharing three different incidents of gender-based violence she endured, Brooke hopes to throw a life line to teens who struggle with similar situations and that they will find comfort in the fact that they are not alone. 

She also hopes that others might learn from her experiences and tread with caution.

She was too young to remember her dad's violent outbursts at the time, but when she learned as a teenager why they had to leave home, it did affect her. 

"At first I was angry, but then I found out a bit about his history. His parents abused him and he didn't get the help at that point that he should have. After we left, he did actually get help," she said during an open-hearted interview last week.

"My mom was a huge inspiration for me. I was raised by a strong woman, and that shaped who I am. Seeing what she has had to overcome, and everything that she's given my sister and me regardless of what she has had to face, that was a huge inspiration for me. I also find strength in my husband's love and our church - Hope Church.

"My husband showed me what fatherhood is all about, the way he plays and interacts with our children. It also shows me how much I've missed out on."

The bathroom

Brooke's mom was also a teacher at York High. She taught hockey and Brooke spent many hours on the side of the field. "I was ten when it happened," said Brooke.

"She was at the far field and had sent me to the bathroom by myself. A worker saw me going to the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I started panicking and screaming and luckily the cleaning lady overheard and helped me. 

"I remember her shouting at him. My assumption would be that he was waiting for the right moment to sneak in, when no one was looking. I ran back to the field where my mom was. Now, in retrospect, I look back and wish that we had reported it. Who knows what that man has been doing since then?"

Varsity

Brooke's third incident of GBV happened when they went out one night. "I was staying at one of my friends' holiday home. I got really drunk one night and they put me to bed. At some point someone got into the bed with me.

"I knew the guy so I thought he was looking for a place to sleep. But I realised soon after that he wanted to take advantage of the situation.

"I couldn't physically push him off because I was too intoxicated, but I remember clearly saying 'no, no, leave me'. I can't remember anything after that. The next morning, I heard from my friends that he was going around bragging that we had slept together. I was a virgin. At first, I didn't believe that it happened, but my friends convinced me to go the chemist for a morning after pill, just in case.

"In his defence, we've been 'vibing' (flirting), but that is no excuse for what he did. I spoke to him two weeks later, shouting at him, not giving him a chance to say anything back. He did text me after that saying he is sorry that he'd hurt me, and that he hadn't known I was a virgin. As if that had anything to do with anything. I never spoke to him again. I didn't press any charges, but should have.

"For a long time I was thinking it was maybe my fault, because I was drunk and shouldn't have put myself in that situation, and we had been flirting... I didn't want to tell anyone what had happened. I was nineteen. I had wanted to keep my virginity for marriage and was so ashamed. It was embarrassing.

"You think you are with your friends and in a safe space. It was a friend of one of my friends' older siblings. It was only years later, after I've met my husband at church, that I had the confidence to share my story."

Brooke's tips to youngsters

• Gossip is the easy route. If what you have to say is more harmful than helpful, don't say it. We often know only a small part of someone's life.
• It is hard to forgive people that have hurt you, and sometimes it is not excusable. But when we choose to release people of what they have done to us, it actually helps us. If I choose to hang on to hurt and frustration about the fact that my dad was not there for me because of the decisions he made, I am just going to walk around carrying a heavy burden.
• Don't let the issue linger when you've been a victim of a rape. Address the matter as soon as possible and report it. Even if it is just to let the person know that what they have done is not okay. If a girl flirts with a guy, it is not an invitation for him to do with her whatever he wants.
• I want to encourage girls to live unashamed. Be confident and wise and know that you have every right to stand up for yourself. And to stand up and protect your friends.

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