ELECTION NEWS - If you approach the voting station in your vicinity properly prepared, voting day need not be a trying experience.
And because this is probably one of the most important voting days South Africa will ever have, and it is thus imperative that you pitch your decision into the political pit, we herewith offer you a complete utility guide to help you turn this momentous moment from potentially traumatic into embarrassingly blissful.
Our models Wouter (geddit?) Ballot and Pollie Booth share some helpful tips:
Second hand shades: It could get rough out there so bring the emergency pair – but bring a pair.
Sunblock: 50-block stuff you can smear all over your head.
Card with taxi service number: The last thing you need to do is hassle with parking on voting day. Make this the one day you spend that half a month’s salary on a Knysna taxi to drop you off right at the gate.
Camping chair: Before a queue starts moving it doesn’t. Bring this along to stave off all those deadly, irreversible ailments caused by excessive standing.
Pre-braaied braai-pack: For some strange reason the authorities have forbidden South Africans’ only real reason for living (the impromptu braai) at the voting stations - so in case you’re still in line over lunch or dinner time…
Toilet roll: Never leave home without it
Tent peg: In case the only available loo is a porta-loo if you know what we mean and we think that you do.
Headphones: In case you’re stuck in line next to a chatterbox
Pocket Flashlight: For night time queueing a must yes, but as you might have noticed, even during daytime us South Africans are often left in the dark.
Comfy footwear: for extensive queue-shuffling and standing time.
Completely and utterly brandy, whiskey, vodka and gin-free bottled water: Yes, yes – an admittedly scary concept to be sure - but it really is good to sometimes make that leap of faith and try something new. Even if you do regret it afterwards.
Rapidly interchangeable clobber: Four seasons in a day. That’s Knysna. You don’t want to return home in lobster or popsicle mode.
A picture speaks a thousand words: Everything you need - Instagram ready.
But wait... there's more.
ID-book: This is the one and only essential item you must have on your person or the entire event will be a lost cause. Do not forget it. You cannot vote without it and South Africa needs your ballot.
Smile: All is not lost yet. Save your sorrow for when the results come out.
Just in case...
Binoculars: Much easier to see the end of the queue with a pair of these babies.
And finally, for the hot South African sun (and just because we South Africans are thát cool).
Sombrero-substitute: If you have not returned from Mexico with the real thing lately – bring the closest substitute.
Cell phone: Fully charged with extra data or funky solar-charger in case you want to soapie-binge, commit loud-chat revenge or for Google-browsing in case you’re stuck in line next to a demanding intellectual.
'We bring you the latest Garden Route news'
