KNYSNA NEWS - For years, drivers on Waterfront Drive have slowed down for one specific reason - a chalkboard outside Metelerkamps. Sometimes it's witty, sometimes it stirs trouble, and occasionally it lands its creator in a shouting match. But one thing is for certain: Knysna reads it.
The board was never meant to be an institution. When John Metelerkamp opened his hardware store in 2005, he put out a blackboard to advertise specials. But it was, in his words, "dead and dreary".
So, he started replacing the boards boring ads with one-liners, and Knysna took notice.
When the hardware store sold and moved from Waterfront Drive, the board disappeared temporarily. Its absence was so unpopular that a long-time friend sent John an email demanding its return.
So, when John bought and moved back to the building on Waterfront Drive eight years ago, the chalkboard returned and has been delivering one-liners ever since.
Today, some residents plan their errands around reading it.
Humorous one-liners
"People say they drive past and crane their necks to see what I put on," said John. "If I put on something too tame, they get upset."
His one-liners fill more than 230 pages, each dated and recorded – for humour and legal protection. The business even has cameras pointed towards the board.
"If somebody comes here in the middle of the night and puts something crude or racist it could cause the business to collapse," he said.
John said he gets the odd person who doesn't like the board or threatens to beat him up, describing a man who once stormed into the store red-faced over a quote by Mark Twain.
"He started to shout at me. I said to him: 'You don't have to read it.' He went out the door and he slammed it so hard that the whole building shook," said John.
John particularly enjoys political satire and putting in grammatical errors or open-ended statements.
"I love attacking the politicians. I love attacking inefficiencies. I love sarcasm. Irony," he said.
After decades as a retailer and as Knysna's unexpected chalkboard artist, Metelerkamp has decided to sell his business. He has slowly started to step back, and intends to take along the board with witticisms when he leaves.
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