KNYSNA - While the dictionaries might classify "dad" as the informal means of referring to one's father, having grown up with one of the two I feel it's imperative to differentiate between them.

In its most literal form, the word "father" is described in many ways depending on the required context, but when it comes to a family, Oxford Dictionary defines a father as "A man in relation to his child or children", while it refers to the word "dad" as "One's father". 

As a journalist I am typically bound to the definitive constraints that have been put in place for the English language by dictionaries, but this time around I find myself floating away from the aforementioned definitions.

My context
For a bit of context, my parents separated 13 years ago when I was about to turn eight years old, and a few months after they separated my mom crossed paths with the man who would later become my stepfather. My mom and stepfather married five years later and have been happily married for eight years now.

As a young boy who's grown up with his dad for eight years, I didn't take kindly to the fact that this new guy was trying to take his place. But I was wrong – he wasn't trying to take my dad's place, not at all.

As with any child, my adolescent years were hugely influential. But where my upbringing differed is that my stepfather, who hadn't even been around for half of my life at that time, was the staple dad figure through those years as we lived under the same roof as a family.

Don't get me wrong, my father loves my sister and myself as much as any father should, and we reciprocate that love. But, he just wasn't able to be the "dad" figure in our upbringing. This space was in turn filled by no one other than the "evil stepfather". Only, he wasn't evil, and it was in these teenage years when I began to realise the difference between a father and a dad.

A father
Before I continue, I do however need to make it abundantly clear that my father has always been there to support me, be it financially or emotionally. I have learnt many a lesson from him, lessons which have helped me greatly in becoming who I am today, so I am still incredibly grateful for that.

There were times when he wasn't able to be a dad to me though, and that is no fault of his own as life has its own twisted way of deciding your fate. I am forever grateful for what I have learnt from my father, and what he has done to aid me in becoming the man I am today, and in no way do I hate him or dislike him for not being able to be a dad to me at times.

If you ask me, a father is 50% of the reason you can walk the Earth today – he helped create you, and that is a debt none of us can ever repay. Mine played a vital role in who I am today as an avid sportsman as he nurtured that interest in me from a young age. But, being a father doesn't make you a dad.

A dad
A dad is the person who sits you down for those hard, heart-to-heart talks, the person who teaches you how to shave your beard, the person who picks you up when you're down, and of course the person who secretly takes your side when you defy mom's rules to sleep over at your girlfriend's house. He's the person who plays backyard cricket with you on the weekend even though he's had a rough week, he's the goofball making funny faces in your matric farewell photo shoot.

A dad is the person who you can turn to no matter what, he's the person who teaches you all the lessons you need about making it in the "big world".

A dad is the person who takes his time to sculpt you into the person who he knows you can be. It might not be the person you envisioned yourself being, but it is the best person he knows you can be.

To truly understand the difference between a dad and a father is one of the things that has played a major role in my upbringing, and without my "evil step-father" I would never have been able to be the person who I am today.

So, George Charles Luis, thank you for being the dad I never knew I needed, I am eternally indebted to you.

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