LIFESTYLE NEWS - Treasures have always been traded at auction; some in the form of art, antiques, collectable cars or luxury real estate, while others are… well… decidedly more bizarre.

Auction technology company Chant Laboratory’s Founder and CEO Joff van Reenen, who has been an auctioneer for three decades, says bidder appetites ceased to shock him years ago – on the day he successfully sold a set of pre-owned false teeth.

“Someone buying used dentures was weird, but surprisingly not the strangest part of that day.

“Weird spiralled into complete insanity a few minutes later when other bidders had to take radical evasive action after the proud owner popped in his new chompers and tried to bite them. True story.”

Fascinatingly, says Van Reenen, a set of used dentures isn’t the strangest item he’s auctioned.

“The auction that tops my personal weird list and also caused one of my biggest quandaries, was a deceased estate sale. The executors compiled an inventory of the home’s contents, marking every item for auction including a lot simply identified as ‘wooden box’.

“Imagine my horror when I opened it and found the recently deceased owner’s late husband’s cremains (cremated remains) inside! I naturally tried to withdraw the box from the auction, but the executors were adamant that if it was on the inventory, it had to go.

“I was stymied for days before the sale; wrestling with how to respect both the executors and the cremains. Then I had a brainwave.”

Van Reenen’s solution was to invite a local priest to the auction. The priest bought the “wooden box” for R25. He later performed last rites on the cremains, which were subsequently buried – a win-win.

Other lots that have pinged the renowned auctioneer’s weird-o-meter over the years include a stuffed ostrich and two cemeteries – one of them “partially tenanted”.

Van Reenen says South Africa is a long way from cornering the bizarre auctions market, though.

“Throughout history people have traded unusual objects. Curiosities often find their way to auction and bidders with a taste for weird are very competitive.

“This niche segment has also partially inspired my leap into digital auction platform development, because broad-based access to light-hearted diversions like outrageous auction bidding battles are exactly what the weary world needs right now.

“Some of my favourite global auction oddities are on the list that follows; not necessarily recorded for the items themselves, but because of the crazy values people attach to bizarre things.

“Many also prove the adage ‘one man’s trash is another man’s treasure’.”

• Winston Churchill’s Dentures – In 2010, a set of the former British Prime Minister’s gnashers sold for a whopping $23 700 (approximately R438 000).
• One of the World’s Smallest Books – In 2021, a leather-bound book measuring 5mm by 5mm – smaller than the end of a pencil – containing versions of the Lord’s Prayer in Dutch, English, American English, French, German, Spanish and Swedish, was auctioned in Brussels for £3 500 (approximately R85 500).
• Unusual Wheels – A red motorised wheelchair used by the late, great Stephen Hawking in the 1980s and 90s sold for $393 000 (approximately R7.2 million) in 2018, with proceeds going to one of his foundations and the Motor Neurone Disease Association.
• Slice of Prince William and Kate Middleton’s Wedding Cake – In 2014, a slice of the royal couple’s wedding cake was sold for $7 500 (approximately R137 000) by Julien’s Auctions in Beverley Hills.
• Vampire Killing Kit – In 2022, a vampire killing kit was auctioned in England for $15 736 (approximately R287 000). The kit included stakes and a gun with silver bullets.
• Haunted Painting – A painting by Bill Stoneham called “The Hands Resist Him” was sold on eBay for $1 025 (approximately R19 000). The painting was purported to be cursed and haunted – much to the bemusement of the artist.
• Virgin Mary on Toast – In 2004, a partially eaten grilled cheese sandwich that reportedly bore the image of the Virgin Mary sold on eBay for $28 000 (approximately R517 000).
• Guinea Pig Armour – In 2013, a suit of armour specially made for a guinea pig sold for $24 300 (approximately R443 000).
• Scrimshawed Whale Tooth – In 2017, a 19^th-century whale tooth engraved with whaling scenes was auctioned in the US for $456 000 (approximately R8.3m).
• Kanye West Concert Air – In 2015, a jar of air supposedly captured at a Kanye West concert sold for $60 100 (approximately R1.1m) on eBay.
• Napoleon Bonaparte’s Hair – In 2010, a lock of the French Emperor’s hair was auctioned in New Zealand for $13 000 (approximately R240 000).
• Russell Crowe’s Jockstrap – Bought for $6 500 (approximately R118 000) in 2018, the item from Crowe’s role in Cinderella Man was part of his post-divorce auction aptly named “The Art of Divorce”.

Van Reenen says while these auctions may be entertaining, they demonstrate the bizarre variety of objects people are keen to buy.

“Whether it’s pre-owned false teeth, guinea pig armour or even a jar of air on offer, there’ll always be someone willing to bid on strange auction items.

“But as weird and wonderful as these sales are, they also serve as a due diligence cautionary tale because auctions are legally binding and final.

“Bidders should always do thorough homework before committing. Check provenance, ask for proof of authenticity and where possible, physically inspect the goods.”

As to assessing less tangible weirdness like the extent of a haunting? Van Reenen’s professional advice is simple: only bid if you hear the item say “Boo!”

Joff van Reenen, CEO and Founder of ChantLab.

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